CURRENTLY UNDER RENOVATION

write.

2011-12-07T15:48:00.000-08:00

this is probably the wrong thing to say on a blog, that is on the internet, that is written by typing on a computer, but here it goes:

i miss writing. by that, i mean, putting the pen to the paper and feeling the ink pour out. forming letters that form words. seeing its permanence. looking at how the letters loop and how i do funky things with certain letters.

i miss the smudges on my left hand (a dear friend from back in the day deemed them "superman smudges...........whoosh!") and the callus i used to have sitting so prominently on my middle left finger. i just realized how basically gone it is. sigh.

it's crazy to think that i actually miss the feeling of my hand cramping up after pages and pages and pages of journaling my heart out. i always loved feeling the indentation on the paper after i wrote. i could tell how i was feeling just by going back and seeing the way something was written. the neatness, the pressure, the color....everything told a story.

the internet and blogs are such a great, convenient thing. i can hop on and in half the time it would take to write something out, i can put it here and share it with my 5 loyal followers. i love that. don't get me wrong. but there is something to the art of actually putting a pen in my hand and committing the thoughts to words on a tangible piece of paper.

i came to this epiphany in a strange place. i was filling out a form at the doctor's office in order to get my annual flu shot. maybe it was the flow of the pen or the thickness of the paper or just the awareness i had at that moment, but i suddenly thought to myself "i don't write anymore!"

so, i've made an early new year's resolution. i guess it's a christmas resolution, but i digress.

i am going to start writing more. this will include lists, letters, cards, journal entries, random thoughts and whatever else can be done with a pen. this means those near and dear to me may be getting more random cards and notes in the mail just because. this may mean i'll become a list maker extraordinaire (although i think i'm pretty great at that already!).

and this will mean i'll take some me time to be with my thoughts and put them down in written form.

i'm excited about that.

test

2011-11-29T15:44:00.000-08:00

overblown

2011-11-29T10:09:00.000-08:00

i may just get all scroogey on your cyber asses, so look out.

am i the only one that is tired of all the hoopla surrounding black friday and cyber monday and all the "spend money cuz it's the holidays" bs that's going around?

i always get a bit melancholy right as thanksgiving approaches and i think it's for a variety of reasons. first, i am not made of money. so, as much as i would like to give little trinkets (THAT MEAN SOMETHING) to those that i hold dear, i can't do that much. latifah starts off the major string of events with is birthday and i haven't even gotten him anything. and that was on thanksgiving. second, the whole meaning is lost on so many people. pretty soon stores will be open all day on thanksgiving and more and more families will be rearranging their schedules so the turkey can be carved in between store visits.

don't even get me started on kids who have no idea what the value of a dollar is around this time either. latifah's younger teen son has no idea that money isn't an option for everyone. he also is extremely materialistic: always wanting the newest and best and most expensive thing and just assumes that dad can get it for him. meanwhile, his older teen son is aware that things cost money and he actually values what he owns (this could be how they were both raised differently, but that's a whole nother blog post). but so often, i hear kids whining in stores about "i want this" or "get me that" and parents actually give in. i wasn't raised like that and if i ever have kids, they will not be raised like that either. (sense of entitlement is another blog as well!)

i dunno. i love to give gifts that have meaning. i love to put my efforts into creating things for others. yet, so often nowadays, i have no time. this is another thing that gets to me. i feel guilty that i can't commit myself to the whole process as much as i used to.

and this holiday there is so much going on. i have latifah heading home for 3 weeks. i have a brother whose heart was broken by his ex and he's still in the very beginning stages of healing. i have a sister who would love to make changes in her life for her children, but is trying to loosen the chains of her entire inlaw family. i have a load of friends i am going to hopefully be able to see while i am down in socal that i just want to reconnect with and bask in friendship with. i am craving that time more than just about anything....to be with those i love and just soak it all up.

yeah, so maybe i'll quit this post while i'm ahead. it's taken a depressing turn and that's just one more thing that isn't necessary. so, just do me a favor:

when your in the middle of the holiday blitz, take a moment and remember what it truly is all about. tell your friends and family you love them. take a moment for yourself and do something that makes you happy. compliment a stranger. smile at others.

happy holidays.

we're only making plans for xmas....

2011-11-26T14:19:00.000-08:00

so, latifah is going to go home to the island and visit family over xmas this year. this means that me and the pupperface will have a house and a bed to ourselves! yes, we will miss him, but oh, the fun we are going to have!

she and i will be driving down to so cal to visit the family for a week. i cannot wait to see my most awesome niece and nephew for a few days! i haven't seen them in forever and i need to have some auntie spoiling time!

i'm also super stoked to get to see all my dear friends. i've got a long list of people demanding visits and hang time, which i am all for! it's something i've been wanting/needing for a while now, so i cannot wait much longer!

what are you all up to for the holiday?

so, it's almost december?

2011-11-26T14:12:00.000-08:00

argh. this is the time of the year that i seriously wish could be over in the blink of an eye.

i'm not bah humbug or anything, but i'm just so over all the overdoing (is that a word?) of the holiday season. it's so in your face all the time and seems to start earlier and earlier every year. and don't even get me started about the "black friday" hubbub.

that aside, we had a nice thanksgiving. latifah was sharing his bday with the holiday, so all the more reason to celebrate. a great friend of ours invited us over to her parents' house in carmel for turkey eating festivities and how could we pass that up?

i brought the killer cheese ball (thanks mom!) and everyone loved it as usual. it's addictive, i tell ya. i may have to post the super simple recipe and then you can see what i mean. there was also tasty wine, all the traditional sides and the gimongous turkey. 7 of us only managed to finish off half of the bird.

just when we thought we couldn't eat any more, we stuffed ourselves with dessert. the family suprised latifah with a "brown boy" birthday cake (gingerbread) and a rousing rendition of "happy birthday". too cute.

burp. food coma, anyone? i think our tummies are still working at getting back to normal!

tired

2011-10-07T15:54:00.001-07:00

i'm thinking i need to make some changes.

i'm exhausted (at least i feel that way) all the time. i would have no problem and no issue with going back to bed a few hours after i woke up and sleeping the entire day. by mid-afternoon i have absolutely zero energy and can't wait to go to bed.

i know there are lots of reasons for it. i'm overweight. i eat bad. i don't drink enough water. i stress. i'm pretty sure i'm deficient in at least vitamin d. i work all day and then come home and become the 'caretaker' for dog and boy. i never have time to just unwind and be with myself.

so, things need to change. i did some research into better foods for myself that give a natural energy boost. i read into vitamin d deficiency as well as magnesium.

another big thing (perhaps) is that i took myself off my depression meds for a while. i'm wondering if it has made a difference in mood which leads to the feelings of exhaustion. in any case, i'm going to get myself back into taking them on a regular basis and see if that makes any difference.

i'm contemplating a detox as well. no, nothing major like those freak lemon water cayenne things, but just something mild for a few days to start fresh.

here's to a new start!

so, who let it become october?

2011-10-03T10:58:00.000-07:00

where has this year gone? i feel like i just can't even begin to keep up! here's a normal day....

530am: alarm goes off. hit snooze 3 times

600am: stumble into bathroom

610am: gather up leash, poop bag, fleece, phone, keys and lure pup from warm bed

615am: feel jealous that latifah is still sleeping, leash up dog and head out into dark

630am: come back from stumbling around half asleep in the dark hoping the dog will poop efficiently. grab some semblance of breakfast, feed dog, give her allergy meds, catch some news

645am: run upstairs and throw on whatever 'work' clothes are easily available, brush teeth, pull back hair, gather up stuff for the day

700am: in the car and off to fight morning traffic

730am: exit freeway, hit up starbucks parking lot. contemplate coffee, put on a bit of face and enjoy my last few minutes of me time

750am: drive last 2 blocks to work. park car, double check face, check fb and email on phone, gather up stuff

800am: walk in the door to work, get the lowdown on the day, squeeze the buddha

830am: breakfast for buddha

900am: diaper change, cleanup, pick out clothes for buddha. blow raspberries on belly and tickle pitties

915am: playtime with buddha which involves throwing all her toys, pulling books out of her shelves, climbing on me and then the eventual yawn/eyerub which means nap is on the horizon

945amish: gather up buddha and her favorite blankie for a snuggle. she falls asleep and i plop her in her crib

1000am: buddha asleep. time to clean up kitchen from breakfast. toys back in proper bins. books back on shelves (all to be redone once the beast awakens). catch a snack, toss in baby laundry (friday) and update buddha journal. let's be honest...sometimes i'll close my eyes for a few

1130am: buddha up and wanting some lunch. see what's in fridge. chop up some veggies, protein, fruits and replenish water sippy.

1145am: clean up the beast, check diaper, chew on ears

1200 to 200pm: this is the time we'll get out of the house for a while before the next nap. we'll do anything from the park, the bookstore, people watching downtown, coffee date, errands, storytime, park....etc. i know she loves being out and about and it saves me from cabin fever.

200pmish: second nap of the day. snuggle with blankie, plop in crib. clean up whatever is out and a mess, fold laundry (friday), restock baby stuff (diapers, wipes, et al), think about getting on the computer but try and read a little bit instead.

400pmish: buddha awakens and it's time for late afternoon snack. she destroys the kitchen while i get some snackies together. she eats. and eats and eats

430pm: change diaper. put laundry away (friday). roughhouse with the buddha. read some books. have a little dance party. go out back and investigate.

500pm: wind down a bit. snuggle up. sing songs. sniff baby neck. tickles. final tidy of the house

545pm: one or two of buddha's parents arrive home. give lowdown on all her accomplishments. talk a bit about the next day and upcoming stuff. kiss buddha numerous times.

600pm: out the door and ready to face rush hour traffic

645pm: done fighting stupid drivers. pull into parking space and take a deep breath

650pm: walk in the door. get accosted by a very happy pup. sit down on couch next to the man and take a huge breath. veg out to news. get asked what's for dinner. not have an answer. yawn. a lot.

730pm: walk the pooch. check the mail.

750pm: make dinner

815pm: sit down to eat. pop in a movie or catch one of our favorite shows. think about all the other stuff i have to do and then shut off brain to all that nonsense

1000pm: pooch decides it's time for bed and plants herself in between both of us and begins to snore. we contemplate just going up to bed. instead, we finish movie, catch the late news and i play some angry birds rio.

1100pm: brush teeth, set alarms, move dog out of our spots on bed and crash. only 7 more hours until it starts all over again.

love, love, love this version

2011-08-27T17:27:00.000-07:00

monday again

2011-08-01T10:48:00.000-07:00

am i the only one who feels that weekends fly by and i don't even realize it?

latifah and i both questioned where our weekend went this morning. we didn't have much going on and pretty much chilled out at home, but it still FLEEEEEEEEEEEEW right by. needless to say, we are a tad bit grumpy on monday mornings.

last night we were sitting in the living room vegging out in front of the tv when i got the overwhelming urge to just to got sleep. i dozed off on the couch in a very uncomfortable position (you try wrangling nap space with a boy and a dog on the couch with you) so i headed upstairs. the next thing i knew, i was being woken up by latifah who wondered where the hell i went. no matter how hard i tried to get up after that, i kept falling back asleep. all in all, it was like a got a 2 hour nap before going to bed officially for the evening. and i slept soundly until 430 this morning. my guess is that the week before and all the termite prep bs caught up with me. zzzzzzzzzzz...

now i am just counting down the days until i have a 2 week vacation!! mom and dad are coming out to hang for a few days. a dear friend of mine is having her bday celebration at filoli gardens and i've always wanted to check it out. i'm contemplating booking a massage in those 2 weeks that is way overdue and maybe even chop off my hair. meeeeeeeeeeeee time, baybay!

on the work front, the little miss buddha is really growing by leaps and bounds. right now she is playing on the floor next to me and chanting "ma ma ma ma ma ma ma" over and over again. you know this makes her mama extremely happy. she's also getting super frustrated with not being able to move/crawl. she is SOCLOSE to being able to put all the moves together, but as of right now, the legs won't do what she wants. this results in a lot of grumbling and whining along with looks of utter frustration shot in my direction. but she's getting there!

and yes, she's as cute as ever. i really do need to get the pictures off my phone to prove it!

loss

2011-07-23T15:57:00.000-07:00

just a few days ago i got word that a friend of mine from high school had passed out while running and was in a medically induced coma.

seems she had gone out for a normal jog and suddenly just passed out. doctors thought perhaps it was due to a blood clot in the leg, but there was no accurate diagnosis. a heart scan came back clear, but they were waiting to hear from a neurologist.

yesterday, i found out that she passed.

she was a mother of 4 (ages 15, 13, 10, 3) with a wonderful husband and a wonderful life. in high school i always remember her smile, her brilliance, her humor and her sweet spirit. she was athletic, a brainiac, but also down to earth and kind. her family was very involved in the school and everyone knew of them and loved them.

and now she's gone.

i'm trying to wrap my head around it all. yeah, everything happens for a reason, but why would this amazing woman be taken away from her 4 children out of the blue? why would it be so sudden?? why would her influence and vibrance be taken away from all those who came in contact with her?

she drifts in and out of my thoughts all day long. yes, i've had people close to me pass on, but this is someone my age in the height of her life and now she is suddenly gone. it's so scary to think that something like this can happen to anyone at anytime.

RIP barbara paluska masters. your light will be missed but you will not be forgotten.

buggin

2011-07-16T16:30:00.000-07:00

anyone ever had to have their place tented for termites?

we are going to be having it done to our complex in 2 weeks. we went to a meeting last weekend to hear all about it and all i have to say is:

WHAT A PAIN IN THE ASS!

ok, i get why they have to do it and all that, but man....preparing is not going to be fun. we have to double bag all our food that has been opened or that isn't in sealed metal or glass. this also includes medication, dog food/treats and bathroom stuff. i am so not looking forward to this.

but, on a good note, i have this friday off and then am anxiously awaiting 2 weeks off in august. good things come to those who wait, right?

my girl crush.

2011-07-09T12:08:00.000-07:00

dad day

2011-06-19T15:23:00.000-07:00

happy father's day dad. don't ever change, you dork.

love you!

baby buddha in pictures

2011-06-17T10:12:00.001-07:00

the official portrait :)

rolls and rolls and rolls

fish lips

sitting up like a big girl

my new, way younger boyfriend :)

2011-06-17T09:57:00.000-07:00

i'd like you all to meet my new love, ky. he is the amazingly adorable son of my longtime friend kim. is he not THE cutest?

you should see when he smiles and laughs. seriously. i melted into a puddle of goo everytime. he has this chuckle that is to die for. his toothless smile is as big as can be. and those eyes? those ears? scrumptious.

little man is almost 4 months old and is already loving standing with support and soaking everything in in his line of sight. and, he laughs at my jokes, so he's pretty much awesome.

his big sister, cadie, turns 3 today. she's going to be a fantastic big sister and i just know he'll be the young little cassnova trying to pick up on all her friends when they are older. he's that smooth already.

.............and yes, i did sniff him repeatedly. :)

i'm being spoiled

2011-06-15T09:05:00.001-07:00

this is the week that work mom is taking off in between jobs. she'll be starting a new on one monday, but wanted to take a week to just be off, enjoy time with buddha and relax.

in turn, i get the week off. and it's SOOOOOO nice. i've lounged with pupperface. i've put up pictures in the house. i've made yummy breakfasts for myself. i've napped. i've watched lame tv. i haven't thought about going back to work at all.

until today. i have a few more days of freedom left and have to start getting in the mindset for work. argh. time off is nice, but it just really wrecks the flow of life. :)

tomorrow i'll be heading down the peninsula to meet up with a dear old friend from all the way back to 1st grade and her new baby boy. i am having kid withdrawls so i plan to smother him with kisses and sniff his head as much as i can.

totally off topic, the week i am off, the bay area decides to have a heat wave. bah. i'd appreciate just a little bit of a segueway into another season, yanno? instead, we are bombarded with one extreme or the other. boo hiss.

now that i've gotten my starbucks in this morning, i am now off to run errands and roam around town figuring out what to do with myself. wish me luck!

lazy sunday

2011-06-12T17:02:00.000-07:00

let's see.....

what have we done today?

lounged in bed with the dogface.
watched 28 days later to start the day.
ran a load of laundry.
took a leisurely walk with said dogface.
debated on what to do today (haircut or return movies to library?).
returned movies to the library.
hit up panera for free wifi and free pastry (and lots of caffeine).
people watched.
debated on what to make for dinner.
tagged buttloads of photos on our facebook accounts.
debated on what time to head home.
continued sitting in panera surfing the web.

life is good. yes. yes, it is.

3 x 2

2011-06-04T16:15:00.000-07:00

the twins from my last family turned 3 yesterday. cripes. 3.

today was their birthday party. even though it poured rain the entire time, they had a blast. we arrived to them dressed to the 9's as princesses (no big shocker there) and in super goofy mode. it was a small affair (family only) but was filled with lots of good food, delicious pink (again, no shocker) cake and giggles.

it's so crazy to think that these girls have been on the planet 3 years already. i see pictures of them as newborns swaddled up and sitting together in a bouncy seat and i can't grasp the concept that those are the same ladies i see before me today. they are still a bit shy, but they are so full of fun and love and smarts and kindness that it blows me away. if i had anything to do with a smidgen of their adorableness, then i did my job.

i love my new job, but man, i miss that family. even though they were slightly wack and had some skewed beliefs, they are good people and the girls are outstanding little people.

hello june!

2011-06-01T11:18:00.001-07:00

i am currently sitting in the starbucks nearest my work, preparing for a late arrival since buddha has a doctor's appointment. in the time i have been here, i have watched it pour rain outside, mixed in with a crazy wind...only to now see blue skies appearing behind puffy, white clouds. either mother nature is menopausal or global warming is really kicking her ass!

we've been in our new townhouse since friday the 13 of may. great day for moving, eh? actually, that weekend went so smoothly it was scary. the packing and moving was efficient, the process of getting the keys was painless and the only thing that hurt were my muscles the next day. our pupperface is absolutely loving her new digs (not to mention that the stairs are kicking her ass into a deep sleep every night! WIN!!!). after all the issues at our last place, it's nice to be in a smaller community filled with the sweet sounds of songbirds in the oak trees and no one living above or below us.

mom came out to visit a few days after we moved, but of course, we decided not to tell her. i just took her to the new place under the assumption that it was to show her where we WOULD be moving to. ha ha! we fooled her once again. but honestly, without her visit, we would probably still be living out of the millions of boxes and bags that were overtaking our dining room. THANKS MOM! you and dad need to come and hang out in august when i'm off, ok?

the job is going well. buddha will be 7 months old tomorrow and is changing every week. she is excelling at sitting up and blowing raspberries. she is loving solids and is quite a fan of green beans. there still isn't a lot of hair on her head, but what she lacks in follicles, she makes up for in fun. she's a lot of work, seeing as she doesn't like to nap for more than a half hour at a time (if i'm lucky). this means i don't get many breaks during the day and go home pretty beat. at least she sleeps all night and doesn't have severe stranger anxiety when we go out. she's quite a little flirt, to be honest.

looks like i'll have to be doing most of my online stuff either on weekends or squeezing some in here and there at work. our current place isn't close enough to the free office wifi and we (read that....latifah doesn't want to fork out money for it) don't have our own internet service. i am slowly working him up to it, seeing as we don't have cable either and our tv reception sucks the big one. fingers crossed.....

we will be going to celebrate the twins 3rd birthday this saturday! it's hard to believe there was life before they arrived. both they and big sis are gorgeous young ladies with hearts of platinum (gold is too low on the scale for the love they possess). they are beautiful inside and out. i'm so glad i got to play a part in their formative years. i am also so glad that they are still a big part of our lives. i couldn't imagine it any other way.

i'll try to get some pictures up soon. i've got to start packing up to head over to the job front in a few. i hope you're all well and enjoying life.

if you're reading as a regular or for the first time, leave me a comment and let me know how you're doing!

ummmm....

2011-06-01T10:01:00.000-07:00

i am doing a craptastic job with this blog, aren't i?

we just moved and now have no free internet to jump onto (grrr...) and work leaves me little time for anything other than taking a deep breath and enjoying about a half hour break.

i've got change of address stuff to finish and bills to pay. if i get that done before i have to go into work, i'll be back to update my 3 followers on the goings on with yours truly. i know you're on the edge of your seats. ;P

thank you, friends

2011-03-19T22:37:00.000-07:00

no, i mean it. thank you.

in the last couple of years, i have been through some interesting times. some of those times were memorable and jam packed with a whole lotta happy and some of those times were pretty downright craptastic. but through it all, you guys were there.

you answered my questions. you checked in on me. you applauded me when i succeeded and you supported me when i failed. you continue to hold me accountable for my life and not slack off when the going gets tough. and you make me laugh until i hurt so bad i feel the need to ice my entire body.

you share your advice, your stories and your hearts. you understand that i am far from perfect, can sometimes be flaky, never intentionally mean to cause you any bad feelings and get too caught up in life sometimes. you remind me that it's ok to take time for myself and to not always worry about making everyone else happy all while respecting my being that way.

you are mothers, fathers, artists, scientists, photographers, husbands, wives, nannies, teachers, musicians, writers, crafters, protectors and all a bunch of badasses. i love your diversity, your spirits and your brains.

thank you for letting me kiss your kids, snuggle your pets, tease your significant others and adopt your parents as extended family.

i am so honored to have each and every one of you in my life. thank you for letting me in. there are many of you that live out of state or farther than a hop, skip and jump away, yet we always start up right where we left off........even if it was 10 years ago. if that isn't a sign of true friendship, then i don't know what is.

....just wanted to let you know. :)

just do it

2011-03-17T22:07:00.000-07:00

from a nike ad in the 90s. i don't remember it, but i'm loving it now......

You were born a daughter.

You looked up to your mother.

You looked up to your father.

You looked up at everyone.

You wanted to be a princess.

You thought you were a princess.

You wanted to own a horse.

You wanted to be a horse.

You wanted your brother to be a horse.

You wanted to wear pink.

You never wanted to wear pink.

You wanted to be a Veterinarian.

You wanted to be President.

You wanted to be the President’s Veterinarian.

You were picked last for the team.

You were the best one on the team.

You refused to be on the team.

You wanted to be good in algebra.

You hid during algebra.

You wanted the boys to notice you.

You were afraid the boys would notice you.

You started to get acne.

You started to get breasts.

You started to get acne that was bigger than your breasts.

You wouldn’t wear a bra.

You couldn’t wait to wear a bra.

You couldn’t fit into a bra.

You didn’t like the way you looked.

You didn’t like the way your parents looked.

You didn’t want to grow up.

You had your first best friend.

You had your first date.

You had your second best friend.

You had your second first date.

You spent hours on the telephone.

You got kissed.

You got to kiss back.

You went to the prom.

You didn’t go to the prom.

You went to the prom with the wrong person.

You spent hours on the telephone.

You fell in love.

You lost your best friend.

You lost your other best friend.

You really fell in love.

You became a steady girlfriend.

You became a significant other.

YOU BECAME SIGNIFICANT TO YOURSELF.

Sooner or later, you start taking yourself seriously. You know when you need a break. You know when you need a rest. You know what to get worked up about and what to get rid of. And you know when it’s time to take care of yourself, for yourself. To do something that makes you stronger, faster, more complete.

Because you know it’s never too late to have a life. And never too late to change one.

JUST DO IT

-Nike

keep on keepin on

2011-03-17T21:46:00.000-07:00

the title of this post comes from a damn commercial i can't get out of my head (and can't even remember what it's advertising). however, it pretty much sums up how i've been lately.

work is going really, really well. the normalcy of everyday and every situation can be overwhelming at times (in a good way!). i come home absolutely exhausted, but i know it will be a temporary thing. once i'm not rocking a little chub to sleep and carrying her everywhere, i'll be a bit more alive at the end of the work day.

on the non work front, did i mention our mouse situation? yeah, mouse. as in rodent. as in, gross me out. when i got back from so cal, we discovered we had a new resident in our apartment. ok, that was what? the end of january? the lame people at our complex finally got rid of it. LAST WEEKEND. it took call after call to get them to actually do more than send out terminix so that they can give us a couple glue traps.

then, there was the issue of our loud, inconsiderate neighbors downstairs. after many complaints to the front office, it came down to one thing: a mediation between us and the neighbors with the manager. i took the smart route and didn't have latifah come along for the meeting. anyone that knows him knows that his ability to censor himself doesn't happen often and his patience levels can sometimes be nonexistent. all in all, it went well and things have changed dramatically. so, i guess that was a good move.

speaking of moves, at that meeting, i mentioned to the manager that we were interested in maybe moving to a downstairs apartment with more patio room for dogface. she told me she'd get back to me in the 2 days after. that was about a month ago. i've had to email her a number of times reminding her that we are still interested. last i heard, she was supposed to get back to me on tuesday. tomorrow is friday and i've still not heard.

all this means, we are looking to move. we'll be checking out another complex this weekend and if all goes well, giving our 30 day notice asap.

....................and...........breathe out..................

now that those hurdles have been cleared, i think i can continue on with life more on my terms, rather than the terms of a mouse and a few idiots. what have you been up to?

a new chapter begins

2011-02-04T13:59:00.000-08:00

hi.

yes, i know. it's been about 5 months since i last blogged. forgive me readers, for i have slacked off and these are my reasons.

you know my job was going to be ending. that wasn't happening until january 14, so i had a load of time to stress out about what was around the bend and debate about what i wanted to do next, although i ended up not having much time to fret about it.

latifah and i were travelling down to so cal in s.eptember, october and november for birthdays, reunions and thanksgiving. missy became quite the great little doggie traveler and began to think that every time we went outside we were going on anothere trip. i also went to vegas to celebrate my nephew's 1st birthday. when december rolled around, we planted our feet firmly in the bay area and didn't go anywhere for the holidays. it was actually quite nice.

new years was mellow and the start of me beginning to count the days until my time with the beasties was over. when january 14 rolled around, i was gifted with a horrible cold from the girls because they are such givers. :) i think it was actually a blessing in disguise because i was more focused on just wanting to go to sleep for days instead of being a total emotional wreck.

the last few days were hard for big sis. she would get sad and we'd have to sit and promise eachother we'd be buddies forever and talk about future plans. there were lots of tears on her end and talk of "i wish you'd be my nana until i die" drama. in the end though, she was ok with it and the last day was tear free (until i said goodbye to work mom and she started the water works. big sis and i sent her to a time out...lol). the girls gave me a fantastic photobook chock full of pictures of them from the day i started until present time. it's a pretty amazing gift.

since that day, i've seen big a number of times. in fact, just yesterday i went over for a playdate with all the girls and lunch with them and mom. i got enough love and hugs and kisses and giggles to last me a while. saturday is big's birthday party to celebrate the big 5. i've already been told i get to hit the pinata. gosh, i'm a lucky girl. :)

on the new job front, i updated my resume and started cruising craigslist to see what was out there. one of the agencies i worked with in the past had some really great gigs listed, so i submitted my information and they got back in touch with me within the next day. in the end though, a great mom friend put word out on facebook that i was looking for a job. her friend had a friend with a newborn who was going back to work in february and well? the rest is history.

i will start my job as a nanny for a sweet, 3 month old little girl on monday. i don't have a nickname for her yet, so for now we'll call her baldy. mom and dad got started as parents later in the game and i think it works to their advantage. they are way more mellow than any other new parents i've dealt with and when they ask my advice, they are doing it because they really want to hear it. that's a change!

everything ended up working out well. i had a week down in so cal to veg out and visit friends after my job ended. i've been able to hang out at home and spoil my dog and be a bit more happy and energetic when latifah gets home.

today was my last day as a nonworking woman. i think missy knew that too, because after we got up and had our morning walk and breakfast, she high tailed it back to the bed and i found her there all curled up and waiting for me to walk in. we got under the comforter and the next thing i know, 2 hours had passed and we were snuggled up together. thanks, pupperface.

i'm hoping that i'll be able to blog a big more regularly because of having one little, fairly immobile little monkey in my care. wish me luck and i'll be talking to you 5 loyal readers soon!

i don't even know where to begin....

2010-08-31T12:33:00.000-07:00

yes, mom, pigs are flying. i am actually posting an entry to my blog.

i don't even know how long it's been since my last entry, but i apologize. a lot has been going on in my world and it sort of took over life for a bit. wanna hear about it? here it goes....

first off, my nanny gig will be ending at the end of the year. mom came to me with the lowdown: she is going to go on a year long sabbatical come january and basically wants to just chill and spend time with her kids. after that year, porkchop will be in school full time and the matching set will be in school more/longer. therefore, the need for a nanny is pretty much NOT needed.

i was so happy for her that she has this chance and is running with it. i know she feels guilty when she leaves for work and will now have the opportunity to just be mom. i also know that after a week she may freak out at what it takes. :P

while i was glad that i didn't have to be the one bringing it all to an end, i was also sad. it really all will be ending. soon. and of course it has to happen when the kids are at their best/cutest/silliest/most loving/amazingly wonderful time.

so yeah, there is a light at the end of the tunnel, but it's shining a little too bright for me right now. i'm not ready to stare at it.

once i got this news, then of course i did the freak out of "what the hell am i going to do next?!". as of right now, i still don't know. i know i need to get on the ball and update the resume and start seeing what else is out there. time is flying by and i'm so unprepared.

that was just the start of it all. then, they have been having nothing but issues on the impending remodel of their house. that's left us all in limbo as they wait to hear back from the city and all that entails. there has been setback after setback as the city plans new ways to take their money and make them jump through hoops to get the plans approved. initially, they thought that construction was going to start in july. we are now at the end of august and still nothing. the latest is that it may start next week if they get the ok this week. hmph, heard that one before. i am betting that this thing won't be even close to halfway through at the end of the year.

then, latifah's boys came out at the end of june and stayed until the beginning of august for their summer visit. we took them down to so cal and played tourist, lounged at the pool, hit up san francisco and played lots of video games. i was also a bit overwhelmed by all the testosterone in the house as well as their ability to eat everything in sight in a matter of days. dang. but we loved having them with us and were sad when the house was back down to 2 humans and a dog again.

add to all of the above, the fact that i've totally fallen off the weight watchers/weight loss wagon and well.....yeah. i'm jumping back on slowly and am very frustrated with myself. but it happens and i'm taking responsibility for it. all in time.......but hopefully to lose a bit more before my 20 year high school reunion in october!

i just got back from visiting my sister and her brood for my squishy nephew's 1st birthday. people, he makes me want to actually have a child. OF MY OWN. i know, you can pick your chin up off the floor. but yeah, he has that effect on me. i wanted to cram him in my suitcase and take him home with me. and my niece? she started 1st grade yesterday! spending time with her is like spending time with a little creative genius. her brain is constantly scheming and working and questioning and thinking and I LOVE IT! she's my kind of girl. and the bond that she has with the fatman is too cute for words. they pretty much idolize eachother. my sister and bro in law have done damn good with their offspring.

next up on the list of stuff is the girls here on the workfront going back to school. mom started back to work on monday, so that has made our days a bit more smooth and a little less dramatic. the kids will be going back around the second week in september, so i am hoping my schedule will go back to the easier days.

october will be my 20 year high school reunion. november, if all goes right, will be celebrating latifah's 40th bday in las vegas, surprise style. my sis and i are conspiring right now. :)

i have so much more to share, but i wanted to at least throw all that out there and let you 5 loyal readers know that i am alive and well. more to follow, but i have to stop the girls from putting themselves in a cinnamon goldfish induced coma. until later!!!!!

true.

2010-05-27T14:22:00.000-07:00

speaking of music

2010-05-25T10:58:00.000-07:00

le sigh.

the boy and i got tickets to go see u2 in oakland on june 16. any of you who know me, know that u2 is my all time favorite band in the whole entire universe and i've seen them many, many times.

we won't be going on june 16.

my not so secret fantasy love, bono just underwent back surgery from an accident he had while rehearsing for the upcoming tour. looks like he'll be doing some major recuping for a while and alas, we shall have to wait.

it's all good though. this just gives me more time to plan how i will win him over with my charm and wit should we ever have the chance to meet (when in reality, if i ever do meet him, i will be struck speechless and probably cry like a damn baby......).

nothing like a little live music

2010-05-25T10:36:00.000-07:00

as many of you know, i am a huge neko case fan. i sucked in the boyfriend and he is now under her spell too.

i was wasting time on facebook a few months back (which i am quite good at, thankyouverymuch) and noticed a little ad on the side that said neko was coming to the bay area with jakob dylan. needless to say, i grabbed my wallet faster than you can say BAZINGA and was ordering us up some tickets.

a couple of weeks ago the night arrived. we headed out to the city to the regency ballroom to see them perform. not only was the show fantastic, but we found FREE PARKING right off of van ness. now, any of you familiar with san francisco parking, know that this is no easy feat. the stars must have aligned or something because it was perfect.

turns out jakob's latest cd, women and country, has neko and her backup singer/friend kelly hogan singing along with him on most of the songs. it's fairly mellow, but very beautifully arranged. and just about anything you put neko's voice on is bound to turn to gold instantly. :)

they had 2 opening acts: honeyhoney and the felice brothers. while i wasn't too fond of the brothers, honeyhoney is now my current new favorite. i can't get the song "little toy gun" out of my head!

they are loads of fun and so very, very talented. i would love to see them if they come around here again. their few songs were not enough at all!

dylan and neko and kelly (and neko's entire band!) were awesome. i will fully admit that i am now a bit smitten with the very handsome jakob. at one point, he looked down and caught my eye and i got a bit giddy. we were right at the foot of the stage and the view was pretty spectacular. :)

oh yes, it was a very good night.

april showers bring may showers

2010-05-24T14:52:00.000-07:00

have i mentioned i'm tired of the crappy weather?

here we are in the end of may and it's not even hitting the mid 60s in nocal. saturday we were bundled up in long sleeve shirts and jackets to go outside to face the cold wind. in may. almost june. almost summer. yeah.

i'm scared that this means we are either going to get a painfully hot summer or we are going to have a late, painfully hot summer. in either case, we are screwed. i don't do well with heat. give me 72 with a light breeze and clear skies and i am all good. thank you.

the weather is also wreaking havoc on my nose, eyes, throat and sinuses. allergies are CRAZY this season and my right eye is begging and pleading for a day of NOT watering. that's all we ask. even the little ones i care for are suffering from the whole thing.

so, if anyone knows where the seasonally appropriate weather is, could you send it my way? thanks!!

today is a good day

2010-05-18T12:47:00.000-07:00

hey all!

i'm back from a busy weekend of entertaining my mom while she visited (HI MOM! THANKS AGAIN!!) and still coming down from the rush of having a visitor. the boyfriend and i (and the dog) all had our buzz harshed a bit when she left, as it's always a good time when mom hangs out. i love how she doesn't expect to be catered to and/or doing something every minute of the day. hell, she was happy sitting there watching the boy play his new video game or wander the aisles with me at trader joe's. but i do wish she'd ease up on the blatant flirting with my man! :) (total inside joke....hardee har mamacita!)

yesterday i met up (finally!) with a therapist and it wasn't all that exciting. i pretty much told her all i've told my close friends and since i've been on prozac for almost a month now, i totally feel different than i did when i first admitted to depression. so, i felt somewhat silly going in and talking to her about my "problems" when i've been feeling pretty damn good lately. but at least i did it and know i can go back to her if i need to.

the job front has been glorious today. big sister has deemed herself to be 'mulan' and the little ones have traded names and insist that the one is the other. they aren't even 2 and already switching. is this a sign of the teenage years? :) they have also made me millions of batches of imaginary 'bapple pie' and have even gone through a couple hundred rousing versions of 'tinkle tinkle' and 'appy irtday' for my enjoyment. mix that with the big sis making some art for her sisters and then hanging them up for them along with teamwork cleanup and this nana is a happy nana.

tired. but happy.

cilantro beef

2010-05-11T15:27:00.000-07:00

i found this recipe via CityMama and the boy and i have both fallen madly in love with its simplicity and it's deliciousness. on occasion, i will throw in a bit of chopped green pepper when the meat is almost finished for a little added flavor. and she's right, the oyster sauce is SO yummy in place of the soy sauce. we've been having this about once a week for the last few weeks and haven't tired of it yet! click on the link above to see pictures of the yummers!

1-2 tbsps canola, peanut, or macadamia nut oil (Amount of oil depends on meat used. I find that turkey needs the 2 tbsps because it's so lean.)
1/2 of a large sweet onion (Vidalia, Maui, Texas Sweet), diced
a 1-inch piece of ginger, sliced (don't bother peeling, you'll saute it briefly then remove it)
1 bunch of organic cilantro, finely chopped (don't chop the last inch of stems, but some stems are fine)
1 lb of (organic) ground beef, turkey, or lamb
2 tbsps of organic low-salt soy sauce (oyster sauce works well in this, too.)
white pepper to taste, about 1/4-1/2 tsp (must be white pepper)

Sauté the onion and ginger in the oil over medium-high heat until onions are soft and just starting to turn color, about 5 minutes. Add beef or turkey and sauté until cooked through, breaking it up into crumbles. Remove the ginger pieces. Add in soy sauce and white pepper. Cook for about a minute. Dump in all the cilantro at once, give the dish a final stir then remove from heat.

Serve over rice (or brown rice as I do). This would also be great over rice noodles.

i promised myself a real entry.....

2010-05-11T15:12:00.001-07:00

it's pretty crazy when it gets to the end of the day and i realize that i promised myself i was going to blog and never got around to it. such is life, eh?

in all honesty, i've been a combination of sick and busy. first i was sick with a cold that felt like a sinus infection that felt like allergies that felt like a beast overtaking my body. that was fun.

then there was the night that i decided to have a corona, only to realize after drinking the entire corona that i'm not supposed to have alcohol with my current meds. it didn't make me sick, but it did make me WAY tired and WAY cottonmouthed. i won't be making that mistake again.

then there was the past weekend, also known as PURGE 2010. the boy and i managed to clean house, donate about 8 bags of old clothes/shoes/hats/bags along with 2 big boxes of extra holiday crap, random crap and crappy crap. there was also a broken ikea dresser and a beat up coffee table and some rugs. we vacuumed. we dusted. we organized. we crashed out hardcore that night.

tomorrow i have the day off work (had to ask for it, but still........WAHOO!). a great dog trainer that works specifically with pit bull breeds is coming to check out the pupperface and see if she can offer any solid advice as well as give the yay or nay on coming to her drop in classes. then, the dog and i are going to pick up the boy at the office, rush him home, get all spiffied up and then head out to san francisco (the dog will stay home). we got tickets to see jakob dylan with neko case and kelly hogan at the regency ballroom. CANNOT WAIT!

then, on thursday night, mom flies in to visit for the weekend (HI MOM!). she'll be helping in baby wrangling on friday and then we have a weekend that may include a bit of art in the park, some shopping, some good eats and perhaps some planting. all i know is that it will be nice to have some hang time with the mamacita.

so, tonight i have to put away a few things, make a delicious dinner, paint my toenails, get to bed at a decent time and get ready for the next few days. WAHOO!

**side story/good karma** since we couldn't fit all the stuff in my car to donate and allow the boy to come along, i ended up delivering the goods solo. i parked and was unloading the bags of clothing when an older gentleman walked by and noticed i had 2 rugs rolled up for donation too. he quietly asked "are those rugs? are you donating them? if you don't mind, could i take them off your hands??" he then explained he had just gone through a divorce and was moving into a place and had NOTHING. so sure, i gave him the rugs, which resulted in him giving me way un-needed (but nice) praise for being so kind.

i took the other bags up to donate and realized he was parked 2 spots down from me. so i yelled over "hey, you wouldn't happen to want a coffee table, would you?" the look on his face was as if i had just offered him a million dollars. he ended up with my coffee table, my broken dresser (which i told him was crap, but he said he would fix and use) and my little ikea bbq. he then told me that i was an angel sent from heaven (and i mean, really...who can complain about that?) and thanked me profusely. i told him to put it to good use and take care of himself and we were good. :) i went home feeling like a million bucks myself for helping out someone a little less fortunate.

inspiration

2010-05-11T14:55:00.000-07:00

lemon-basil chicken with basil aioli

2010-05-06T21:37:00.000-07:00

i dug through my old collected recipes and found this one from "cooking light" magazine. it was pretty easy and pretty delicious. we did it with rice instead of pasta, but i am thinking pasta would have made it even better. you can also view the recipe HERE.

A side of egg noodles complement the fresh lemon and basil flavors of this guest-friendly entrée.

Yield: 4 servings (serving size: 1 chicken breast half and 1 tablespoon aioli)

Ingredients

Chicken:
1/2 cup chopped fresh basil
1/3 cup chopped green onions
2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice
2 tablespoons white wine vinegar
1/2 teaspoon lemon pepper
1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
4 (6-ounce) skinless, boneless chicken breast halves
Cooking spray
Basil Aioli:
1/4 cup finely chopped fresh basil
2 tablespoons low-fat mayonnaise
1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice
1 1/2 teaspoons Dijon mustard
3/4 teaspoon bottled minced garlic
1/2 teaspoon olive oil

Preparation

To prepare chicken, combine first 6 ingredients in a large bowl. Add chicken to basil mixture, turning to coat.

Heat a large nonstick skillet over medium-high heat. Coat pan with cooking spray. Add chicken to pan; cook 8 minutes on each side or until done.

While chicken cooks, prepare aioli. Combine 1/4 cup basil and remaining ingredients in a small bowl, stirring with a whisk. Serve with chicken.

Nutritional Information

Calories:: 284 (32% from fat)
Fat:: 10.3g (sat 1.7g,mono 1.4g,poly 0.6g)
Protein:: 40.1g
Carbohydrate:: 6.1g
Fiber:: 1g
Cholesterol:: 106mg
Iron:: 1.9mg
Sodium:: 410mg
Calcium:: 51mg

thank you for this day

2010-04-29T15:43:00.000-07:00

i don't know if the planets are aligning or what, but today has been a fantastic day.

i got to work and the girls were pretending to be ballerinas. the twins were in ballerina gear and big sis decided to dress up as well. one of the twins really, seriously has some delicate, adorable ballerina moves that impressed me to no end.

since the weather was finally beautiful outside, i took the girls out for a coffee date. we spent a good deal of time there just being silly and enjoying our beverages (nonfat, sugar free vanilla latte for me....vanilla milks and a hazelnut blackberry muffin for the girls) and being silly. the girls did some dance moves (still in ballerina gear) in the coffee shop and charmed a few caffeine addicts.

from there, we decided to go to the bookstore (bookstores and coffee shops are 2 of my feel good places, so this could have something to do with the day too) where the girls proceeded to make friends with an adorable toddler named douglas. they shared stuffed animals with him and made him giggle when he could no longer hold all the stuff they were handing him. i was able to find some a-freakin-dorable paul frank stationary and the new people magazine with sandra bullock's interview, so more points on the day were scored.

from there, we came home and the girls ate every last bite of their lunch. there was not a hotdog bite nor a spear of broccoli left on their plates. i don't know when this happened last!

but then? the topper! they were all playing together after their meal, when big sis started on a mission. she began to go through the house and load every toy that was in the wrong place into her little shopping cart and PUT THEM ALL AWAY IN THE RIGHT PLACE! she told me that she was looking for something and couldn't find it and realized why i get so frustrated when i am in the same situation. so, she took it upon herself to put all the toys away in the right place so that we wouldn't be frustrated anymore.

this girl is a dream.

she even managed to get her sisters motivated enough to help out. the next thing i know, all three of them are putting toys away and working like fiends to get it done correctly. they honestly left me with nothing to do during their nap time. i think i really, REALLY love these kids.

i sat her down when they were done and praised her over and over and over again for her actions. she was very proud of herself, but made sure that i knew that it wasn't just her and that her sisters were helpers as well. she thanked them and loved on them to show her appreciation.

it was insane. her actions came out of the blue. i hadn't mentioned anything about cleaning up, nor had i shown any frustration today in regards to the disorganization. her good little 4 year old heart just wanted to make things better for herself and those around her. swoon.

the house must have had a peaceful vibe going on because after the girls all went down for nap/quiet time, a bird sauntered in through the open window in the kitchen and proceeded to scavenge for food on the floor. it looked over at me like "hey, hope you don't mind" and continued on looking for rebel cheerios that had hidden from the broom. things got a little iffy when it then decided to come on into the dining room where i was sitting and forage around a bit more. then, it walked into the hallway leading to the backdoor and started to freak out a little. it flew over to the window and then back through the breezeway in the kitchen and over to a dining room window. i was able to get the window open where it was panicking and it flew out with ease. just a little added surrealness to my already nifty day. :)

saving a life

2010-04-26T13:37:00.000-07:00

it was early in the morning 2 sundays ago.

i was standing on the platform at the train station waiting for the train to whisk me away to san francisco to visit a dear friend from grammar school and her 2 year old little lady. across the way was the farmer's market filled with sunshine and voices and bodies and activity. there was about 15 minutes until the train came, so i was warming myself in the sun and looking down the track for signs of the train lights. that's when i noticed him.

on the southern end of the tracks where the platform ended was a man. from where i was standing in the middle of the platform, i could see he was right at the very edge and his bags were right next to one of the rails in the rocky area on the ground. instantly, my gut went into overdrive and i began a bit of panic.

see, a few years ago while visiting boston, i was at the charles street station with the boyfriend, a prior charge of mine and his mother. we had returned from a beacon hill adventure and were waiting for our train back into cambridge. when we were heading into the station i noticed a very intoxicated man sitting on the floor downstairs foraging for change in his knapsack. something struck me as off, but i tried to shrug it off. well, as it turns out, my gut is always right. he ended up coming up to the tracks, zig-zagged his way for a few steps and then proceeded to fall into the tracks a couple of minutes before the train was to arrive. 2 men jumped in after him (i will never forget the thud of his body falling) and we all managed to wave down the train and get it to stop before anyone was hurt. but that image haunts me to this day...along with all the what-ifs.

but back to 2 sundays ago. i wanted to believe this guy was just getting something from his bags and would move in a second. this wasn't the case. the longer i looked, it became clear that this man was homeless and either a) completely wacked out or b) drunker than a skunk. he was staggering and acting completely out of the ordinary.

then he put on headphones.

he rummaged through his bag, pulled out headphones and a walkman and put them on. from that point, he turned his back to the direction of where the train would be coming from and started singing at the top of his lungs. on occasion he would stop and run back and forth across the crosswalk that went across the tracks and then would return to our side of the tracks with his back to the south.

10 minutes until the train was scheduled to arrive. no one was doing anything. i felt like i was going to hurl right then and there. my internal dialogue was something like "why is no one doing anything? should i call 911? should i call the local pd? maybe he'll move! he's not going to move. i need to do something!" coupled with the overwhelming sense of dread and nausea.

i looked in my address book in my phone, only to realize that i didn't have the local pd number. just my luck. i accessed the internet and found the number and called. i was put through to dispatch and described what i was seeing. by this time, there was about 7 minutes until the train. i was praying it would be late.

the anxiety i felt while waiting for any sign of police was enough to make me want to cry. what if the timing was off? what if the train was on time? what if all the small children hanging out with their parents waiting to see a cool train ended up seeing a man crushed underneath one? and then i saw the lights of the cop car.

he raced down the sidewalk between the opposite platform and the farmer's market. when he got down to the area where the man was, he calming walked to the crosswalk and made his way to the middle. at this point, the man was next to his bags that were laying right next to one of the rails. the officer calming talked to the man, only to have the man respond by yelling and cursing the united states and refusing to move. i looked away for a second (as the train was coming and i was freaking out) and looked back just in time to see the officer charge the man and throw him to the ground so that he would be out of the way of the train. 1 minute later, the train pulled into the station.

i had the next hour to sit and contemplate what had just happened on the train. what if i hadn't called? would anyone else had done anything? no one held a phone to their ear. no one talked to the man. no one commented on his erratic behavior to anyone else. no one did anything. except me.

i don't know if the man was incapacitated mentally. i don't know if he was drunk and unable to properly function. for all i know, he knew exactly what he was doing and wanted to end his life (it's been a huge issue in this area lately). whatever the case was, i didn't stand around waiting for someone else to do something.

i took action and saved a life.

should i take it personally?

2010-04-26T13:35:00.000-07:00

today i was suppsed to have my first talk with a counselor/psychiatrist/therapist. about an hour before my appointment i got a call saying she had to cancel.

ok, at least there was a valid reason of her being sick.

but, let's just be thankful i'm not so depressed that that would send me over the edge. :)

i'm not looking forward to having to reschedule, but what can you do? doctors get sick too!

welcome.

2010-04-23T20:53:00.000-07:00

at this point in my life, the title of this blog is so perfect it's not even funny.

initially, i was going to have this be a weight loss blog. but along with the start of losing weight i also realized there were some other things that needed changing in my life. and, in true ME fashion, it couldn't just be a haircut or a nice pedicure.

i am currently on weight watchers and at a stubborn plateau. i have decided that the stress of my current job isn't worth the days being sick and tired. possibly because of the job, i have been diagnosed with moderate depression and am starting some counseling next week.

long story short, i need to find the me i used to know. :)