write.

this is probably the wrong thing to say on a blog, that is on the internet, that is written by typing on a computer, but here it goes:

i miss writing. by that, i mean, putting the pen to the paper and feeling the ink pour out. forming letters that form words. seeing its permanence. looking at how the letters loop and how i do funky things with certain letters.

i miss the smudges on my left hand (a dear friend from back in the day deemed them "superman smudges...........whoosh!") and the callus i used to have sitting so prominently on my middle left finger. i just realized how basically gone it is. sigh.

it's crazy to think that i actually miss the feeling of my hand cramping up after pages and pages and pages of journaling my heart out. i always loved feeling the indentation on the paper after i wrote. i could tell how i was feeling just by going back and seeing the way something was written. the neatness, the pressure, the color....everything told a story.

the internet and blogs are such a great, convenient thing. i can hop on and in half the time it would take to write something out, i can put it here and share it with my 5 loyal followers. i love that. don't get me wrong. but there is something to the art of actually putting a pen in my hand and committing the thoughts to words on a tangible piece of paper.

i came to this epiphany in a strange place. i was filling out a form at the doctor's office in order to get my annual flu shot. maybe it was the flow of the pen or the thickness of the paper or just the awareness i had at that moment, but i suddenly thought to myself "i don't write anymore!"

so, i've made an early new year's resolution. i guess it's a christmas resolution, but i digress.

i am going to start writing more. this will include lists, letters, cards, journal entries, random thoughts and whatever else can be done with a pen. this means those near and dear to me may be getting more random cards and notes in the mail just because. this may mean i'll become a list maker extraordinaire (although i think i'm pretty great at that already!).

and this will mean i'll take some me time to be with my thoughts and put them down in written form.

i'm excited about that.

test

overblown

i may just get all scroogey on your cyber asses, so look out.

am i the only one that is tired of all the hoopla surrounding black friday and cyber monday and all the "spend money cuz it's the holidays" bs that's going around?

i always get a bit melancholy right as thanksgiving approaches and i think it's for a variety of reasons. first, i am not made of money. so, as much as i would like to give little trinkets (THAT MEAN SOMETHING) to those that i hold dear, i can't do that much. latifah starts off the major string of events with is birthday and i haven't even gotten him anything. and that was on thanksgiving. second, the whole meaning is lost on so many people. pretty soon stores will be open all day on thanksgiving and more and more families will be rearranging their schedules so the turkey can be carved in between store visits.

don't even get me started on kids who have no idea what the value of a dollar is around this time either. latifah's younger teen son has no idea that money isn't an option for everyone. he also is extremely materialistic: always wanting the newest and best and most expensive thing and just assumes that dad can get it for him. meanwhile, his older teen son is aware that things cost money and he actually values what he owns (this could be how they were both raised differently, but that's a whole nother blog post). but so often, i hear kids whining in stores about "i want this" or "get me that" and parents actually give in. i wasn't raised like that and if i ever have kids, they will not be raised like that either. (sense of entitlement is another blog as well!)

i dunno. i love to give gifts that have meaning. i love to put my efforts into creating things for others. yet, so often nowadays, i have no time. this is another thing that gets to me. i feel guilty that i can't commit myself to the whole process as much as i used to.

and this holiday there is so much going on. i have latifah heading home for 3 weeks. i have a brother whose heart was broken by his ex and he's still in the very beginning stages of healing. i have a sister who would love to make changes in her life for her children, but is trying to loosen the chains of her entire inlaw family. i have a load of friends i am going to hopefully be able to see while i am down in socal that i just want to reconnect with and bask in friendship with. i am craving that time more than just about anything....to be with those i love and just soak it all up.

yeah, so maybe i'll quit this post while i'm ahead. it's taken a depressing turn and that's just one more thing that isn't necessary. so, just do me a favor:

when your in the middle of the holiday blitz, take a moment and remember what it truly is all about. tell your friends and family you love them. take a moment for yourself and do something that makes you happy. compliment a stranger. smile at others.

happy holidays.

we're only making plans for xmas....

so, latifah is going to go home to the island and visit family over xmas this year. this means that me and the pupperface will have a house and a bed to ourselves! yes, we will miss him, but oh, the fun we are going to have!

she and i will be driving down to so cal to visit the family for a week. i cannot wait to see my most awesome niece and nephew for a few days! i haven't seen them in forever and i need to have some auntie spoiling time!

i'm also super stoked to get to see all my dear friends. i've got a long list of people demanding visits and hang time, which i am all for! it's something i've been wanting/needing for a while now, so i cannot wait much longer!

what are you all up to for the holiday?

so, it's almost december?

argh. this is the time of the year that i seriously wish could be over in the blink of an eye.

i'm not bah humbug or anything, but i'm just so over all the overdoing (is that a word?) of the holiday season. it's so in your face all the time and seems to start earlier and earlier every year. and don't even get me started about the "black friday" hubbub.

that aside, we had a nice thanksgiving. latifah was sharing his bday with the holiday, so all the more reason to celebrate. a great friend of ours invited us over to her parents' house in carmel for turkey eating festivities and how could we pass that up?

i brought the killer cheese ball (thanks mom!) and everyone loved it as usual. it's addictive, i tell ya. i may have to post the super simple recipe and then you can see what i mean. there was also tasty wine, all the traditional sides and the gimongous turkey. 7 of us only managed to finish off half of the bird.

just when we thought we couldn't eat any more, we stuffed ourselves with dessert. the family suprised latifah with a "brown boy" birthday cake (gingerbread) and a rousing rendition of "happy birthday". too cute.

burp. food coma, anyone? i think our tummies are still working at getting back to normal!

tired

i'm thinking i need to make some changes.

i'm exhausted (at least i feel that way) all the time. i would have no problem and no issue with going back to bed a few hours after i woke up and sleeping the entire day. by mid-afternoon i have absolutely zero energy and can't wait to go to bed.

i know there are lots of reasons for it. i'm overweight. i eat bad. i don't drink enough water. i stress. i'm pretty sure i'm deficient in at least vitamin d. i work all day and then come home and become the 'caretaker' for dog and boy. i never have time to just unwind and be with myself.

so, things need to change. i did some research into better foods for myself that give a natural energy boost. i read into vitamin d deficiency as well as magnesium.

another big thing (perhaps) is that i took myself off my depression meds for a while. i'm wondering if it has made a difference in mood which leads to the feelings of exhaustion. in any case, i'm going to get myself back into taking them on a regular basis and see if that makes any difference.

i'm contemplating a detox as well. no, nothing major like those freak lemon water cayenne things, but just something mild for a few days to start fresh.

here's to a new start!

so, who let it become october?

where has this year gone? i feel like i just can't even begin to keep up! here's a normal day....

530am: alarm goes off. hit snooze 3 times

600am: stumble into bathroom

610am: gather up leash, poop bag, fleece, phone, keys and lure pup from warm bed

615am: feel jealous that latifah is still sleeping, leash up dog and head out into dark

630am: come back from stumbling around half asleep in the dark hoping the dog will poop efficiently. grab some semblance of breakfast, feed dog, give her allergy meds, catch some news

645am: run upstairs and throw on whatever 'work' clothes are easily available, brush teeth, pull back hair, gather up stuff for the day

700am: in the car and off to fight morning traffic

730am: exit freeway, hit up starbucks parking lot. contemplate coffee, put on a bit of face and enjoy my last few minutes of me time

750am: drive last 2 blocks to work. park car, double check face, check fb and email on phone, gather up stuff

800am: walk in the door to work, get the lowdown on the day, squeeze the buddha

830am: breakfast for buddha

900am: diaper change, cleanup, pick out clothes for buddha. blow raspberries on belly and tickle pitties

915am: playtime with buddha which involves throwing all her toys, pulling books out of her shelves, climbing on me and then the eventual yawn/eyerub which means nap is on the horizon

945amish: gather up buddha and her favorite blankie for a snuggle. she falls asleep and i plop her in her crib

1000am: buddha asleep. time to clean up kitchen from breakfast. toys back in proper bins. books back on shelves (all to be redone once the beast awakens). catch a snack, toss in baby laundry (friday) and update buddha journal. let's be honest...sometimes i'll close my eyes for a few

1130am: buddha up and wanting some lunch. see what's in fridge. chop up some veggies, protein, fruits and replenish water sippy.

1145am: clean up the beast, check diaper, chew on ears

1200 to 200pm: this is the time we'll get out of the house for a while before the next nap. we'll do anything from the park, the bookstore, people watching downtown, coffee date, errands, storytime, park....etc. i know she loves being out and about and it saves me from cabin fever.

200pmish: second nap of the day. snuggle with blankie, plop in crib. clean up whatever is out and a mess, fold laundry (friday), restock baby stuff (diapers, wipes, et al), think about getting on the computer but try and read a little bit instead.

400pmish: buddha awakens and it's time for late afternoon snack. she destroys the kitchen while i get some snackies together. she eats. and eats and eats

430pm: change diaper. put laundry away (friday). roughhouse with the buddha. read some books. have a little dance party. go out back and investigate.

500pm: wind down a bit. snuggle up. sing songs. sniff baby neck. tickles. final tidy of the house

545pm: one or two of buddha's parents arrive home. give lowdown on all her accomplishments. talk a bit about the next day and upcoming stuff. kiss buddha numerous times.

600pm: out the door and ready to face rush hour traffic

645pm: done fighting stupid drivers. pull into parking space and take a deep breath

650pm: walk in the door. get accosted by a very happy pup. sit down on couch next to the man and take a huge breath. veg out to news. get asked what's for dinner. not have an answer. yawn. a lot.

730pm: walk the pooch. check the mail.

750pm: make dinner

815pm: sit down to eat. pop in a movie or catch one of our favorite shows. think about all the other stuff i have to do and then shut off brain to all that nonsense

1000pm: pooch decides it's time for bed and plants herself in between both of us and begins to snore. we contemplate just going up to bed. instead, we finish movie, catch the late news and i play some angry birds rio.

1100pm: brush teeth, set alarms, move dog out of our spots on bed and crash. only 7 more hours until it starts all over again.